Ever find yourself stuck in a frustrating argument, where no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to get through? Steven Bartlett’s The Diary of a CEO talks about a principle that completely changed my perspective: ‘You must never disagree.’

At first, it seemed counterintuitive—especially in HR, where we’re supposed to stand our ground, resolve conflicts, and sometimes give a firm ‘no.’ But here’s the thing: this approach isn’t about avoiding conflict. It’s about mastering the art of communication, negotiation, and being heard. It’s about recognizing that most of our arguments aren’t productive, and there’s a better way to build stronger relationships in our industry.

Let’s be honest—the traditional approach to HR often feels rigid. We’re seen as the enforcers of company policies, the ones who step in when things go wrong. But this role can create tension, making us appear more as obstacles than partners in the workplace. Over the years, I’ve realized that this dynamic isn’t just unproductive—it’s detrimental to building the kind of relationships that lead to real change.

This is where the idea of “never disagreeing” comes in. It’s not about avoiding conflict or agreeing with everything that comes your way. Instead, it’s about how you frame your responses. Rather than starting from a place of opposition, the goal is to find common ground first. This approach has been a game-changer for me, particularly in high-stakes situations where relationships are on the line. Early in my HR career, I faced a tough situation with a senior executive over a proposed restructuring plan. I believed the changes were necessary for the company’s growth, but the executive was strongly opposed. My initial instinct was to push back, to prove why my plan was right. However, this only led to a stalemate, with both of us digging in our heels.

Then I remembered Bartlett’s advice. I stopped focusing on our differences and instead highlighted the areas where we agreed. I acknowledged his concerns and built my argument on the shared goal of what was best for the company. This shift in approach transformed the conversation. Instead of clashing, we were collaborating—and we eventually found a solution that worked for both of us.

This experience taught me that in HR, as in many aspects of life, success isn’t about winning arguments but about building understanding. When we start from a place of agreement, we open the door to productive dialogue and stronger relationships. Negotiation is part of our daily routine— whether it’s with employees, management, or external partners. Bartlett’s principle has helped me refine my negotiation skills. By avoiding direct disagreement and instead framing my points to reflect shared interests, I’ve been able to reach better outcomes.

This strategy has also helped me build trust. When people feel that their concerns are acknowledged and respected, they’re more likely to be open to your ideas. This has been crucial in my role, where trust and strong relationships are essential to effective HR management.

As I’ve grown in my career, I’ve come to see the potential for this principle to redefine the HR industry. Traditional HR often feels reactive—stepping in only when there’s a problem to solve. But what if we shifted our focus to be more proactive, using empathy and understanding as tools to prevent conflicts before they start? This isn’t just a theory—it’s a practice I’ve been incorporating into my work. By prioritizing collaboration over enforcement, we can create a more positive work environment where everyone feels heard and valued. And the results speak for themselves: fewer conflicts, stronger teams, and a culture of mutual respect.

Mastering the art of never disagreeing is not about avoiding conflict but about handling it in a way that strengthens relationships rather than weakens them.

Have you found this approach helpful in your own work? I’d love to hear how you’ve managed to resolve conflicts and build stronger relationships in your career. How do you handle tough situations at work?